If therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
Many times over the years I have heard that there must be a necessary delineation between spouses. They each must have their own identity, interests, and ways of seeing the world. We are warned that a complete identification would annihilate one’s own self-identity, which is essential for well-being.
This is the language of psychological safety. There is no safety in love.
If Rachel dies before me, the loss will be total and irrecoverable. I have seen in the experience of others that it is survivable, but it is no less total. Does this mean I have no interests or life apart from her? Of course I do. I have interests she does not share. I like things she does not like.
But I do not hold these things back from her. I do not reserve some portion for myself. All that is mine is hers; all that is hers is mine. There may be areas of my life that she doesn’t have a lot of interest in visiting, but she is no less queen over that territory.
A great deal of trust and no small amount of time is needed to establish such a love. It may or may not happen; if there is a formula, I do not know it. If you find the possibility of such love before you, however, it will not tolerate reservations. There is no safety in love.