I’ve been reading James Hillman’s Soul Code, published in 1996. He’s mentioned “family values” several times and it’s taken me back to when that phrase was a battleground. It’s inspired a little fantasy.
It’s 1996. Jeremy is driving his Ford Bronco up the big hill on the highway near his house. It struggles, slowing down to 45mph by the time he reaches the top. James Dobson is on the radio and Jeremy is worried about what will happen to the traditional family if Bill Clinton is re-elected.
Poof. A man his dad’s age appears in the passenger seat.
1996 Jeremy: “Ah! Who are you?”
2026 Jeremy: “I’m you, from the future!”
1996: “How did you get here?”
2026: “My desire to make a point transcended time and space.”
1996: “What’s up with the long beard?”
2026: “Beards come back in a major way. Also, look at your chin. It needs some help.”
1996: “And…is that a tattoo???”
2026: “You’re not ready for that story. I’m here to tell a different one.”
1996: “Go on.”
2026: “By my time, evangelicals have abandoned preaching about family values.”
1996: “Because the secular humanists won and put the Christians in prison?”
2026: “No, because they started supporting Donald Trump for president.”
1996: “Donald Trump? You mean that real estate guy from New York who builds casinos and dates models?”
2026: “Yup.”
1996: “Well, then, Trump must have gotten saved.”
2026: “Nope. Well, James Dobson did try to say in 2016 that Trump was a ‘baby Christian’ but literally no one believed that after a while. Right before the election an audio recording was leaked of Trump saying disgusting things about forcing himself onto women because he was famous.”
1996: “Wow! Evangelicals would never have voted for him after that!”
2026: “81% of evangelicals voted for him that year. I’ll never forget that number. Oh and, by the way, it was later revealed that just before the election in 2016, he paid a porn star to keep quiet about their affair, which happened just after his third wife gave birth to their son.”
1996: “Well he certainly lost evangelicals after that.”
2026: “Not even a little bit. James Dobson, in fact, became one of his biggest supporters, even if he tut-tutted now and then about Trump’s swear words.”
1996: “There’s no way. James Dobson has built his entire radio ministry around family values and the central importance of character.”
2026: “Both he and every evangelical you personally know will have abandoned all of that in support of Trump, even after he was connected to one of the most notorious pedophiles of the day.”
1996: “WHAT?”
2026: “It’ll be the result of a million little justifications along the way—all in the pursuit of power.”
1996: “But I take it we don’t end up supporting him?”
2026: “Oh hell no. Oops, sorry about the language.”
1996: “At least we stayed true to Judeo-Christian values!”
2026: “Well, let’s talk about that some other time. One last thing.”
1996: “What’s that?”
2026: “That girl you’re dating? That’s going to go really well.”
