I learned two actionable models of the self from Gordon White, which he learned in turn from others:
- The soul incarnates into three bodies, i.e., the physical, emotional, and spiritual/mental bodies.
- The center of the physical body is the gut. The center of the emotional body is the heart. The center of the mental body is the head. I prefer the ambiguity of “gut” and “head” because specifying “stomach” and “brain” invites materialism. “Heart” already has sufficient ambiguity in our culture.
- This has been on my mind a lot lately so I expect to write more about it.
- The self is an ecosystem of parts. This is an insight from internal family systems therapy.
- I’ve written about this before.
- These parts represent different aspects, or even time periods. They’re often wounded in some way. They’re often trying to protect you by making their voices heard. Your job, as the caretaker of this ecosystem, is to care for your parts, hear them, and act responsibly. Sometimes this means taking their advice. Sometimes it means compassionately telling them they are not (to use the Bushism) “the decider.”
These two models, in my mind, work on different axes. The three body self exists vertically, connecting earth to heaven. The ecosystem self exists horizontally, across time.
With that established, let’s talk about courage. Courage and fear always exist together. Courage without fear is just stupidity (to borrow a phrase from JF Martel). It is not courageous to do something dangerous without fear. It is courageous to do something despite fear.
One way of understanding the simultaneous existence of courage and fear is through the ecosystem of the self. The fear that insists on your attention is a “part” of you. It has reasons to be fearful! You should listen to it, because ignoring it won’t silence it anyway. Then, because you’re the decider, you must choose whether that part of you is giving good advice. If it isn’t, then you must speak compassionately to that part and explain what’s going on. Courage is making the decision despite a part of you insisting it will be harmful.
Speaking of parts, one says to me now, “Isn’t this overcomplicated? Isn’t this already more parsimoniously explained by less exotic means?” Maybe. What makes the difference for me is the way it shifts the process out of the realm of willpower. In an ecosystem of the self, I am not “defeating” or “overcoming” something “bad” in me. I am hearing that part of my self, and compassionately acknowledging it.
And now we arrive at what I really want to say: unkind thoughts do not negate compassionate action. Sometimes I don’t have the most caring and compassionate thoughts. A part of me wants to gnaw on some perceived wrong, or wants to force someone to see the error of their ways. When it comes to my actions, however, I have put those thoughts aside and done what needed to be done. I don’t say this to give myself marks for high virtue. In fact, I say it to say the opposite: this is normal, responsible behavior. It is literally doing your job as steward of the ecosystem.
My unkind thoughts do not make me an unkind person. My unkind thoughts come, perhaps, from some injured part of myself. That part thinks the thoughts are justified, because don’t we all? What makes me a compassionate person is not the absence of unkind thoughts. Right action despite unkind thoughts is what makes me a compassionate person.